Sometimes my brain has a hard time closing the door on the thoughts of the day and allowing me to slip away into slumber. Even in sleep, my thoughts are striving to solve all of the challenges of the unknowns of adoption, so the "rest" feels like work. This seems more prevalent the closer we get to submitting our paperwork overseas.
So I get up and make the lunches for the children that I would have made the next morning, I eat something, and I listen to the quiet.
Tonight the Spirit whispered that in all of my worrying and trying to prepare I should not steal from my children the experiences they will have becoming independent and capable without me here. There are a lot of things they can do/learn, and I shouldn't try to pad that avenue as much as I am inclined to do or they will miss out on some vital growth. Feeling thankful for the warning.
My husband chuckles when I come up with yet another contingency plan for things that could possibly go awry and need extra attention while we are gone. He says with some sarcasm, "Well, if you want to think of everything that could possibly go wrong and plan for that..." He doesn't realize that the things I have mentioned are just the tip of the iceberg and that I am actually wondering which appliance will breath its last, which vehicle will fail, or which child will need to be hospitalized. It isn't because I am a pessimist. Rather, I think it is my brain trying to avoid the vulnerability of the unknown, and going a little nutty.
It is a mind-boggling thing to know that my husband and I will be away for at least a month! My parents are planning on coming to help during that time, but my mother may have to have surgery soon, so I am considering second-best options. That is what has me awake tonight.
Something interesting happened last week, though. We were waiting for Ben's labs to come back from the doctor and wondering why they were taking so much longer than mine, and then we got a call that the doctor had made an error and Ben needed to do the labs again! Remarkably, I laughed and said that our girls must not be ready yet, hence the delay. I have decided that delays are one of the ways Heavenly Father keeps things on the right schedule -- His schedule -- and that I shouldn't fight them. It was nice to not feel frustration but faith.
Paperwork processing is happening quickly in our daughters' country right now. What used to take 6-8 weeks is taking 2 1/2, and that makes my heart race! Still so much to do! I sure am grateful the Lord is helping/leading us along!!
I read this tonight in Hebrews, and the truth of it made me smile:
"...be content with such things as ye have: for He hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper..." (Hebrews 13: 5-6)
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